| The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
to be with myself in center, clarity
Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their
blanket
But I've gotta move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry I've been missing a lot of things lately. Thoughts of everyday life just keeps entering and disappearing at the end of the day, i know somehow in my life, there's gonna be an end to this road. Memories are just englufing me unconciously. I've been thinking a lot about my parents recently, that within this 15 years, i start to realise this really strong bond between us, not a bond between a Father and Mother to me but they're becoming more like my best friend. Someone who's always there for me. I really miss my dad sometimes, he's getting really old as time flies really fast. I miss those times when we brings me out for really good dinner, just the 2 of us and we will laugh and chat with no ending to it, i love the times he shouts at me and correct me nicely after i have done something wrong, he teaches me every step in life, like how life can be a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs.I love it when he sings and plays the guitar and teaches me how i should open up my passion for music. We just have that really strong Father-Daughter bond. I enjoy the times when my father comes back with a tired look after work but tries his best to smile and joke. Every moment with him is just so precious, even the mornings he sends me to school. This long journey to and fro has brought more meaning that i just could have that little time with my dad, just the 2 of us in the car, although it's just silence, i really enjoy is fun and loving company. I miss my mom when she laughs at something which isn't funny and she tells me those really lame joke where nobody laughs. I love it when she gets open with me and without fail, just being there for me, protecting me and teaching me. Just talking to her and laughing with her is truely the best thing that's ever happened for me, she's always giving me the best and i just love her so much. It scares me to see them growing old, it scares me to loose them. I just wish i could pause the wonderful moments shared with them and just stop them from growing old. I don't wanna loose my bestfriends. It has occured to me about the love my siblings and i used to share, growing up in a small condo. I remember my brothers would always bully me by tickling me and pulling my hands and legs and just throwing me onto my bed, i remember the times, my two brother would play with toys that i didn't enjoy playing with. The times when we played basketball in the house and the neighbours would complain. The times when we would hide the cane under the bed when we did something wrong and standing up for each other. I remember, one time i accidentally pulled my cardboard over me and the whole board just slammed me to the floor and i had no energy to get up, i kept screaming and my eldest brother came rushing at the sound of my cry, he pulled me up, bleeding on my lips and face. I recall the times watching wrestling with my second brother and he would slam me on the bed with his new moves and even got injured. Although it may sound rather tortorous. I would prefer to replay all these memories once again. Now things have actually change, they've grown up now. There's no care and love that we used to have, i wish i could turn back time to enjoy those moments i had with them when we were all young. The thought of loosing my Grandfather last year soon reminded me. I don't wish to loose my Grandmother too as she is rather weak and old. I really love her and would do anything to extend her life on earth. I wish God wouldn't take her away from me so soon. I hate it when my mom decides to send another maid back to the agency. I just feel that i really miss all the maids who took care of me all these time. Now that my mom is prepared to send Jo back soon, i just can't bear to see another person who takes care of my daily needs and the bond between us just go down the drain. Why must i always be so attached to something but it just have to be taken away from me? Now that my dogs, Princess and Becky are ageing too. I just don't understand why the life-spam of dogs are just so short? Why don't they have the right to live like how Humans do? Although Princess has always been proud and arrogant, i don't want her to leave me so soon. She'll always protect me, like a watch dog and Becky, she's the closest to me. Always by my side. Cuddling her makes me feel so contented. I remember once, at Normanton Park, i brought her down for a walk. I unleased her and she fast, i tried chasing her but ended up falling into a big drain. When Allister went to Aussie, he needed someone to adopt his dog for the time-being, like 4-5 years. I knew that if i decide to adopt Ada, i might end up being too attached to her, but instead, i didn't really thought about it, the moment i saw her at the Pet Hotel. I just didn't want to think about that 4-5 years period and just have her for that moment. She's a dog of character. Although people may see that it's just a dog. Well, it JUST isn't. Today, i got a message that Allister's family has a change of plans and wants Ada back by end of this month. I just couldn't face the reality and just cried my heart out. I don't want her to leave me. The thought of looking her in the eye, it brings me so much warmth and comfort that shes there to protect me. I just feel that although it may be just 3 months being with her, i really feel attached to her, bringing her for walks, giving her treats and playing with her makes me feel so happy each day, now that she has to go.. I'll just cry myself to sleep for the rest of the nights. Church has always been a big part in my life, when i first entered Hope Church in Secondary One, there were only 5 fairsians, my shephered has been always nice to me in every way, being concerned about my spiritual growth, not that fairfield have hit their target, 56 fairsian, i've been shifted to someone elses care, not informed by my own shepherd, instead she shifted another person under her. Despite not attending church camps and services, she didn't bother to contact me or so. Now that she's happy with so many people in church, she has forgotten the place that how this journey actually begun. Now that everbody's growing up, especially my friends, they tend to put relationships before friendships and if this goes on, i bet friendships are not gonna last. There's always a time for everything. Sometimes, when someone you've been bestfriends with for the past 9 years just changed totally, how will you face it? I just tend to find that her laughter and her screams are getting irritating, her selfishness has overtook her entire life, like when she calls you her bestfriend, she goes around calling others bestfriend too? Like have you heard of the term "bestfriend" being used on more than 2 people? Her rudeness to you, thinking that you'll always be there for her and she's too familiar with you. I just can't stand her. I always thought that Bestfriends are friends who will never fail to be there for you and will never push you away no matter what. I've always dreamt to have that amazing best friend that suprises you with a suprise birthday party and beautiful birthday presents as she knows you best and no matter how far you stay, she'll come by your house to suprise you when you're sick or sad. But no, that has never happened to me. Maybe i'm dreaming too much. To that someone who stole that place in my heart, it just saddens me when we lost the super fun communications we have every night on the phone, laughing, giggling, making fun of each other or even screaming on the phone and even singing at times. I just missed it so much, but you've changed. I missed the times when we went for movies, the night we spent and the really funny neoprints we took. I wished we could just replay those times over and over again. Like how we sat on the Ferris Wheel that went over and over again. And how you took me making silly faces at you. The time when we laughed at each other's stupidness and even the times in class when we talked instead of doing our work.I just miss your sweet, tender voice howling my name on the phone, exchanging sweet i love yous and good nights. Now that the feeling is not there anymore and you decided to talk to me in a very crude manner, hanging up on me ealier than usual, pausing every second and developing your words to only one. Looking at our pictures and the letters and sweet messages with <3 it just makes me cry myself to sleep everynight. This is morning
That's when I spend the most time
Thinking 'bout what I've given up
This is a warning
When you start the day just to close the curtains
You're thinking 'bout what I've given up Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound
Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing ever step you made
And you said you meant it
And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way. |
